On the Precipice

Here is the chapter header art for A Light From the Nether, drawn by me.

My book is conceived, outlined, and written. It's been edited (professionally). My interior is designed. My cover art is drawn. I've been (and continue to be) mentored by a generous, successful author friend. And now, as I patiently wait for my BRILLIANT design team to return my finished book cover to me, I feel so ... mixed.

Am I ready? Is this really happening? Will I finally be free from the well-meaning, constant queries of "what's going on with your book?"/"when will your book be published?"/"are you ever actually going to do this?" (no one has ever said the last one, but it's what I hear every time anyway).

This is the thing I've been waiting for my entire life.

More than anything, I've wanted to call myself an author. But I never anticipated the new reality of the publishing world in my younger, more idealistic days. I didn't know I'd have to do all my own marketing, design, and production. I didn't know I'd have to make constant social media posts or assess analytics and trending keywords. I didn't know I'd have to track inventory and expenses and file complicated taxes. I didn't know that traditional publishing had become so predatory (as my husband says, "they want to make money off you, not money for you.") or that questions like "should I find an agent?" would be so impossible to answer.

And I didn't know that, in the publishing world, every choice is seemingly saddled with infinite cons and infinitesimal pros.  I didn't know how little writing was involved in being an author.

Still, despite my endless anxieties and fears of failure, I feel optimistic. I know how hard it all is. I know that plenty of people will not like my book (and I don't blame them; it's pretty bizarre), but that hopefully some will. I'm not for everyone. My book won't be either.

I suppose what I'm trying to convey here is that I feel all the poles at once. I am afraid and excited. I am downtrodden and energized. I am deeply embarrassed and profoundly proud.

I'm ready, and I'll never be ready, but here we go...